Luke 15 v31 “Son, you have always been with me and everything that I have is yours”.
Ephesians 5 v2 “And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God”.
Dear Loved One,
I know how you have been hanging on, how unsafe you have felt. How anxiety has had a quiet hold of you and so you, in turn, have held onto anything that feels secure and steady. I know how money has been scarce whilst daily costs have been high. You have worried about providing a warm home and decent food for your children – school dinners, winter shoes, coats. You’ve been concerned that you are not offering enough, not able to provide hobbies, activities or days out, which take money but could give them a happy childhood. You’ve been pushing back the creeping inadequacy; that on top of the broken family your children didn’t ask for, that there’s these layers over layers of disadvantage. Dear One, I see all of this.
You’ve known that I am there but you’ve been unsure how practical and able I am, how good and kind I will be; whether I’ll be more concerned in teaching you stewardship and contentment in your lacking, instead of giving to you freely as your Father and Husband. Whether I would really want to tend to your needs with close attention and deep care.
But I know and love you. I will never leave you. I am here with you now, I was there with you then and I am already there in the future with you. And fear no longer touches you there. I am loosening the grip of fear, worry, anxiety that has threatened your breath because I breathe with you, teaching you gently how to do it all again. I know what I am doing and you are utterly safe with Me. You’ve seen how I’m leading you through all of this, the broken shards left scattered, step by step, leading and then waiting as you grieve and let go. You’ve seen me lift to the surface hurts that have been hidden from years past, so that you can see what’s there and then I heal, I wipe it away and replace those old voices with Mine. Smoothing it all away. And you have cleaved to me as I do this. I love you holding onto Me, it’s where I’ve wanted you to be and it’s where you belong.
You have watched with wonder as you have seen what I am doing, the freedom I am bringing, when you had no idea how un-free you were, no idea of what was there or of where to even begin, to loosen and unravel it all. But I have known. And I have waited to love and lead you through this, with My divine wisdom in a way that only I can. Only I. And nothing brings Me more delight than to see you returning to who I created you to be, My resurrection life filling and spilling over and over again, My wild cry stirring yours so that we rise in beautiful unison, celebrating one another with a resounding ‘YES!’, in the life that we were always meant to have together.
Listen…My Love… all that I have is yours. I give everything to you, everything at My disposal – the whole of the heavens and the earth. I’m not just giving you words or scriptures, I am giving you My very heart. I mean this both in how I’m transforming the heart inside your own chest to be a pure mirror of Mine, but also giving you My heart as a devoted, undivided Lover. I’ve hidden you away for this time to lead you in this, just you with Me, learning My heart with each tender encounter over time. You’ve felt this in the way that I gather around you when you are fragile and at risk of falling apart; how you have felt me pull you back from the brink when you have teetered on the edge of that pit called despair; how you have felt My face so close to yours that you can only see Me, closer than any precarious circumstance you face – so close that you can taste My whispered promise of hope on your breath. You’ve known no divide between us, because of how I have given Myself fully to you whenever and however you have needed it. How I have taught you to stay soft in My love; to be so secure in My devotion and longing, that you can yield, forgive and let go; to move in freedom, whatever pressing you are facing. You have seen me tend to you, unravel the tangle of years, clean the grime and marks that you had no idea how to smooth or settle.
Can you do the same? Can you give yourself to Me too, to rest your heart in Mine? Can you trust the realness of My love enough to let go of the final piece of fear that you are holding onto? Trust that My love is as real as the bills that you deal with? Trust that My love is more than just philosophy, spirit and emotion? That my love is so tangible and real that it can burst into your reality? Turning up at your door in the form of bread, butter and money right when you need it? You’ve seen glimpses of this before, but you didn’t feel quite so alone then, with no recourse if all went wrong. I know you have leaned into me with your heart and your mind, but can you trust Me with the real life financial risks too? That what will go overdrawn if you give it to Me, will instead become overflowing? Because the more you lean into Me as your husband and father, the more I can carry you. And I want to do this. I am never a part-time husband. I am never a part-time father. This is not about law, this is about love.
This is how our covenant works: you give Me your little, you give Me your tithe as a token of your trust, and then you watch how I take all of your needs, all of your costs, all of your bills and I cover it for you. I cover you. And this isn’t just about costs; it’s about exchanging your fear for My peace, trading your tension for trust, your abandonment for belonging through this process; loosening your shoulders and lifting the stranglehold off, as you see the boundless reach and celebration of My love for you in ways that you couldn’t ever have anticipated. You cannot out-generous Me. You cannot out-love Me.
And remember how I created you for freedom? For that Eden-space that I landscaped right back in the beginning and that you and I have been discovering and growing and living in together over time..? If you can let go of your fear over My ability and My joy to provide for you, if you can trust that I really have got you and your children in all the ways you need, can you imagine the unstoppable life and laughter that will torrent through you unhindered…?! All the binds falling off. All the dread dissolving away. Swollen full in the beauty that I have crowned you with, that I made you for and that belongs to you. My unstoppable love burns in anticipation of your freedom, won’t stop pursuing it, relishing the beauty of you.
Can you give yourself to Me in this way? Let go of fear and move further into Love?
Jesus, I say ‘yes’ to You. An ever growing ‘yes’, to moving away from the shore, away from smallness and control and out into trust and wide open freedom; with You as my wind, my current, my vessel, my North Star, my safe passage. ‘Yes’ to letting go and falling into You, being lifted by the weight of you, carried by the strength of You. I have no idea how You do this, Jesus. How You speak with such secret intimacy to my heart and my spirit, yet become as real as hard metal, as rubber against road, in the real, hard figures in front of me. How, within minutes of deciding ‘yes’ to tithing as my love note to You, that there is £450 promised to my account, turning the red numbers into a healthier black than before. How on the second month of saying ‘yes’, a further £477 arrives within days of giving to You. My breath was held, but You…You never hold back from me. You move me. Jesus, you move me. This is how you bring me to my knees. Not through shame. Not through power. But through a desire to be close to You because I am safe with You; to break my alabaster jar over you, pouring my devotion over You without hesitancy or reserve. I want more of this. More of You. Move me however You want to. Let the mountain move and let the mountain be me.