“…but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”
Genesis 2:17
You can still feel it. How things were meant to be. There are moments that you unfurl and soften, enjoying the ease in your body, the peace in your mind. Kairos moments that are golden, outside of time, enjoying the connection of smiles, soft morning light warming the ground, aromas, colours, slow breath in, slow breath out. Stretching your arms out into the sun. No hurry, no pressing, no idea of something better, somewhere better. Your small shoulders weren’t meant for this. This continual responsibility and juggling and burden weight. This need to get things right, to do well, to do better. This constant measuring against expectations; good parent, good worker, good friend, good person.
When you ate from that tree, you started to know. A seed of hunger grew, a curiosity and the beginning of questions which at first invigorated but quickly became restless. A quest to know and improve, to predict and prevent, to manage situations and outcomes. The ability to reflect on what’s gone before and ruminate on what’s ahead. An opening horizon with all the possibilities filling your widening gaze. Your vision becoming both wider and further with each passing encounter and the mounting knowledge gained. But isn’t that becoming a little like God? An ability to see all kinds of possibilities, for both good and ill, both now and in the future…? But not God because we are impotent to really affect any of it. This gap between what we can see and know and what we can actually influence and control becomes the beginnings of prison walls where you cannot stop your brain, cannot stop it seeing and wanting to know, but cannot really grasp hold of any of it, it remains elusively outside of your realm, beyond your reach, held always in the future. Knowing means that we can enjoy anticipation and excitement of possibilities coming, but also spiral into worry and cyclically downward thoughts concerning the ‘what ifs’ and even catastrophes.
He knew this. He is protective of our hearts and minds. When He said not to eat, this was not about withholding, it was about protection. His desire when He created His loved ones was that we live in this beautiful space with Him, enjoying each moment and each other without fear; without fear of harm, fear of mistakes, fear of embarrassment or failure, with none of this limiting our capacity to live, breathe and just have our being in Him. This was intended to be a perfect place of trust, with no self-consciousness, no awareness of our own impotence, no gap between our knowing and our power. He grew this garden, surrounding us with beauty, scent, light, colour, every type of animal call and bird song created to both revel in the Maker but also to delight and soothe our senses, with everything we need for here and now. Both a boundless celebration and a joyful surrender between the Creator and the created. No worry, no self-consciousness or needing to know beyond each, single moment. Can you even imagine that? Just held in perfect peace, perfect rest, content in our Maker’s gaze and hands, in His garden created just for us.
Why do you think the feel of the breeze soothes you? The rhythm of waves and the motion of trees…? He knows what we need, how to comfort and soothe us, how to smooth away worries pressing in and bring us back to now, back to our senses. He. Just. Loves. Continually. All the time. Without us even realising just how loved we are, how He is calling us to return back to Eden, back to Him and how He intended it to be right in the here and now, in the middle of the mess.
There is always this invitation. To come away to the wilderness places, the empty spaces, where there is quiet and space without the clutter and noise. A room, a corner, a cubicle. And there He creates Eden with us once again. Where He whispers and tends to our hearts and minds, where He says that He knows, He knows it all, so that we don’t have to. He knows the here and now, the beginning and the end and all the inbetween. He knows how to reach us in the moment we are in and He’s already meeting us in the moments beyond our capacity, beyond now. He knows and He can.
Just breathe that in. Breathe and let the weight fall off. This is how it was meant to be. Nothing beyond Him holding us right here, being our breath, our air. Breathe in. Breathe out. Nose to nose with Him. Close enough that all you can see is Him. Content that the only knowledge we really need is Him with us here, Emmanuel here, safely holding us, holding our hearts and minds, in this moment. And in the next moment already and the next beyond that.